Hanni is the Man and stuttering

Alright, so I was perusing the internet and I was checking out Hanni's website and I was very pleased to see that he has joined us in the world of the blog. Atta boy!

So, I am posting again, and as I am sure you can guess by now, that means I have an exam this afternoon.

I thought I should post something about one of the greatest challenges I face in my life, namely, my stutter. most of you know that I have a stutter that varies from not being a problem to basically making me unable to speak for weeks on end.

Now, the first thing I want to point out is that: stuttering is not a psychological problem. YOu don't understand how many times absolute ignorant retards ask if I am getting psychological help for my stuttering, as if it was a psychiatric disorder. This is not the case.

To our best understanding, it is a physiological condition, which in my case means I either stop breathing when I am talking or my chest muscles tighten up to the point where I can't pass air through my vocal cords. Which basically amounts to the same thing.

However, in a way, stuttering can cause psychological distress. Imagine having this problem your whole life and never wanting to talk, for fear of embarrassment, ridicule etc., etc. (Unfortunatly, I have even caught people at the law school making fun of me. It happened at Mount A as well.) I remeber everybody saying how shy I was has a kid. Well there was a pretty real reason for that.

So if you have had this problem your whole life you can be hesitant to engage the outside world. This can lead to alot fo shitty things including a completly loss of self-confidence, agoraphobia, loneliness and isolation. Fortunatly I have been lucky with a supprotive mom and wicked friends, but this isn't the case for many stutters.

Some of you may think that in reality, my stutter and stuttering is 'no big deal'. I get this alot and actually it comes off as really insensitve. In a way, its akin to saying to a black person that being black is 'no big deal'. The fact is, for the stutterer, it is a big deal, a huge deal actually. Every social moment of our lives tends to be permeated by fears of stammering of getting blocked. It is a challenge to go to a restaurant to order a meal. Do you know how many times at subway I have to point to the lettuce and tomato because I can't say those words? It also happens that you will order toppings on a pizza that you don't want but you get blocked on the one you want so switch to a topping that is easier to say? There are plenty more painful examples.

SO this puts a huge amount of stress upon routine things. THe worst is, of course, being stopped by a cop. This has happened to me a few times, and the cops get super suspecious of you, right of the bat. They ask you a quesiton and their eyes narrow in slits with that 'what's up with this guy' kinda look in there face. Of course what happens though, is that all this stress gets internalized and you start, uncounsciously, avoiding situations where this will come up as a problem.

One of these situations is dating. I have to admit it hasn't been a huge problem for me as many of the chicks I talk too like it, for some weird reason, but I can totally see how it can be awkawrd for a guy, the majority of people who stutter are men, to not only ask a girl out on a date but then talk to her on that date. I am sure it has pervented me from asking a girl out at some point.
(My view on this might be a bit scewered considering my recent discovery that chicks really dig me)

Also, the job/career hunt. I have been pretty lucky since whenever I have tried to get a job I can get it, but it can be a real obstacle to many white collar professions. Things have gotten alot better in recent years as soceity has strated to smarten up with its attitudes towards disabilities. I have heard of people who have been rejected for jobs because of their stutter, including aspiring lawyers, or who have just decided to abandon their dreams because they felt the obstacle to be to great. I met a guy who was at U of T in political Theory who dropped out of the program after his 3 year because he didn't want to tkae the upper year seminars which required discussion.

Job discrimination is a problem I am likely to face in the near future unfortunatly. I think I am totally qualified and capable to excel at the world of law except for this one thing. I will be getting therapy in Sept. so hopefully that will improve things but nevertheless I face a real challenge.

The funny thing is though, even with all my accomplishments, I still get talked down too by people in the world. The myth of stuttering being cause by stupidity still persists in the world.

Another frustrating thing, is that people tend to think that it is a question of 'will'. As if it would be possible for me to 'will away' my stutter if I just wanted to. Trust me, if it was just a question of will and hardwork my stutter would have been gone long ago.


Nevertheless, all these gloomy thoughts aside, there are postive things to being a stutterer. One is you get a different perspective on the world, social relations etc. YOu also tend to make a small number of really good friends, who stick with you.
Or maybe its more like you sticking with them, whatever.

Also peoples' awarness of disabilties and things have really improved over the past years and in many ways, with speech therapy available in large urban centers fro good rates at teaching schools, its the best time in the history of the world to be a stutterer. Some people may have thought I was crazy to come to law school with my stutter, and maybe I was, but you can't beat a good challenge. (Well you can defeat a good challenge, but you know what I mean).

Fortunatly I have had good inspiration to keep going with my work. It comes in the form of one of the greatest Greek orators of all time(See the picture above). His name was Demosthenes (384 b.c-322 b.c.). Demosthenes had a stutter which he 'cured' by, according to the legend, putting pebbles under his tongue when he spoke. It is more likely that he overcame it by some self-taught technics of getting over his blockages. (I still have not found a pebble suitable enough to put in my mouth to test it out :-) ) Before he became a great orator Demosthenes was, of all things, a lawyer!

If you are interested in learning more about Demosthenes check out Wiki:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Demosthenes

Alright, I should get ready for my exam.
Peace all